Book Review: The Call Of Solitude: Alonetime In A World Of Attachment

I borrowed the book The Call Of Solitude: Alonetime In A World Of Attachment by Ester Schaler Buchholz from our public library just in time when I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and stressed out due to an issue with my bank. So, I read this book very diligently as it had a lot of wisdom. 

Buchholz, PhD, is a Psychoanalyst and is highly qualified to write a book on this subject based on her professional and educational credentials alone. 

The main premise of this book is that humans have innate desire to achieve calm and serenity. This has always been our goal from time immemorial. But, serenity and peace of mind seem further from reach than ever before in the history of humankind. Obviously, something has changed. 

We are now a society that has gone to working in industrialized settings (offices, factories). We are busy running from one task to another. The invention of electricity has prolonged our days and has changed our rhythms of awaking (with the sun) and resting (with the sunset). We are also always on, always connected, and always mobile. 

Bucholz feels that today's culture overvalues attachment and neglects the importance of alone time. Using case studies, stories, poetry, and other sources, Buchholz shows how alone time has always been important and that the lack of it in today's frenzied culture increases stress and depression.

My 'aha' moment came at a point where Buchholz talks about the development of a womb. Tremendous amount of development happens in the womb and the baby is alone, yet happy, in the womb. So, we're used to the alone time from our very conception. But, once the baby is born, the contemporary psychology directs parents to bond, to attach, and to cater to their needs. Bucholz asserts that babies need alone time to regulate their emotions. So, while bonding is good, overly doing it causes them to not get the restorative alone time they need to for their emotional development.

Bucholz writes of how the media has labeled quiet people as misfits or abnormal while singing praises of men and women like Jesus, Thoreau, Buddhist monks and cloistered nuns. Or how some people are literally afraid when it is quiet. On the flip side, you could be at a party of hundreds of people, but would not be tremendously lonely and not part of the party.

The book is a little hard to read. It is full of quotes, citations, and references. It is probably a great book for a graduate level course, but for the casual reader, it can be hard. I read it cover to cover because I needed some relief and getaway from the emotional stress I was going through a few weeks ago.

The main takeaways from the book are:

Alone time is a great regulator of emotions and inner life.
Growth happens when you are in complete solitude.
Babies need lots of alone time to explore their emotions and daydream.
Alone time can heal you both mentally and physically.
Spiritual leaders have achieve their insights during alone time.
Alone time brings you closer to your deep inner feelings and thoughts.