Gray uses a mars/venus metaphor to illustrate the commonly occurring conflicts between men and women. Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to earth and problems started soon after once they forgot they were from different planets.
In this book, Gray provides explanations on how these differences can prohibit men and women from having mutually fulfilling loving relationships and provides valuable practical tips to deal with these problems.
Men and women react to stress differently. Gray asserts that when men's tolerance to stressful situations is exceeded, they withdraw temporarily "into their cave", for example, to the garage, or to go spend time with friends. In their "caves", men are not necessarily focused on their problem at hand.
But, rather the "time-out" lets them distance themselves from the problem and relax. It allows them to re-examine the problem later with a fresh perspective. Once they are in touch with their deep selves, they come back from their "caves" to tackle the problems.
However, this can cause problems with women who do not understand this is a natural way of coping with stress on mars. Women do not understand this because when they become unduly stressed, their natural reaction is to talk with someone close about it (even if talking doesn't provide a solution to the problem at hand). This leads to a situation where the man retreats as the woman tries to go closer, which becomes a major source of conflict between them.
Gray uses the term "wave" to denote a woman's ability to give to other people. When women feel full of love and energy to give to others, their wave is stable. When they give of themselves, but don't receive adequate love and attention in return, their waves becomes unbalanced, cresting and eventually crashing.
Then, at that point, women need the attention, listening, understanding, and reassurance of those around. Gray holds that once they are rejuvenated by the support they get, their waves start to build up again and rise with abundant love and energy to give. Gray advises that men should support that natural cycle by not being threatened by it or telling women why they should not feel that way.
This book is full of practical advice, do's and don'ts, what and how to say, when to say, how to get what you want without hurting the feelings of your partner. This is by far the most insightful book I have read on a relationship. If you are married or are in a relationship with the opposite sex, this book is a must-read. To give you an essence, here are the chapter titles from this book.
Chapter 1: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
Chapter 2: Mr Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee
Chapter 3: Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk
Chapter 5: Speaking Different Languages
Chapter 6: Men Are Like Rubber Bands
Chapter 7: Women Are Like Waves
Chapter 8: Discovering Our Different Emotional Needs
Chapter 9: How To Avoid Arguments
Chapter 10: Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex
Chapter 11: How to Communicate Difficult Feelings
Chapter 12: How to Ask for Support and Get It
Chapter 13: Keeping the Magic of Love Alive
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